It's not like I don't have _any_ friends. I kinda do, I could count them in one hand. My supposed to be best friend for some reason makes me feel lonely. I don't understand. She's the only one that answers me, talks to me, but still. I always feel like she won't be there for me. It's missing something and I can't name it. My other friend that used to talk to me decided to go away. The other ones nearly never talk to me, so I'm left here with a billion thoughts and feelings and not knowing what to do with it. My therapist is busy. She's sick. She's in pain. She has a whole family to take care of and she cannot answer my calls. My mom would never answer my calls, my dad makes me feel lonely the same way my friend does. It just feels weird. And I had a nightmare with him today
It was scary af. I didn't have anyone to tell my njghtmare to. I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm hungry. I need some company but I feel like I will never have it. Maybe I should end myself idk. I'm so scared that death isn't the end. I have been dreaming of hell. What is it like? Hell for me is feeling that I'm literally dying. How do you feel you're dying if you're already dead? I wanted to erase my brain. Give it anything else but what's currently in it. I'm so exhausted of life. I'm so sad. I really wanted to have a friend to make me feel less lonely.
[26d]
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